I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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