just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
