Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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