Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
