he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
