I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
