you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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