i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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