Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
