I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
