you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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