I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my shit smells like andre
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
