"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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