wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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