you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
