this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
