I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
