You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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