Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
