i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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