"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
