I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
