well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
