I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Randomize
