my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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