Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
