Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
