and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
