We tried having a conversation with our noses.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
