i think my tv is drunk
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
