I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
