he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
