I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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