I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
