capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
