I need help removing her.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
