Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
