I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
