At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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