No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
