just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
