Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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