how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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