DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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