brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
