i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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