i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We left the knife in your bed.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
MIDGETS
????
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
