if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
