Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
