Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Houston, we have a squirter
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
