Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
