pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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