I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
