I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
