what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
