better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
