he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
