Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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