i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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