her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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