She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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