Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
