Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
