Why does Corona taste like a burp?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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