I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
