Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
