i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
