I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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