she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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