I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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