is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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